Expectations

“Every man is trying to either live up to his father’s expectations or make up for his father’s mistakes.” I ran across this quote on the book called The Audacity of Hope written by 44th U.S president Barack Obama. Highly influenced by his writing and his convictions, for days, my mind could not erase off the magnificent contents which was veiled within a realms of “expectations”.
Then to give it a trial, I decided to settle off my living for a week without letting my expectation to interfere my day to day activities. Understating the degree to which my addiction to expectations was undermined, was tough for me. Lucid with my vision, I realized how unjust I was becoming with myself. Expectations are what have pulled us together and inspire us to tail the optimism.

I tried to reason to myself, then why do we get disappointments when we fail to fulfill our expectations. Knowing the root cause, “expectation” why should we get sick to our stomach, by gratuitously welcoming expectation, to ruin our good morning or sometimes good night sleep? How hard it is to shape our desire and show it to its destination? Occasionally we all like to be spoiled. Don’t we? We ought to save expectations unknowing or unknowingly.

I had no immediate reason to pursue revolution with my thought. I decided nevertheless that in style and attitude, I may sound like one already. So before I entangled myself into many spilled rejections, I’d begun to stick with the orthodoxy and reexamine my assumptions, recalled the values my parents have passed me through, through my upbringings.

How demanding it is to expect, to share the burden of personal responsibility? I wonder maybe I ought to expect only to place a premium on wining arguments rather than solving problems. Disappointment’ hits big time and even the small differences in perspective does magnified. How can I see far when I get my vision narrowed? ( Not to mention, I do wear prescriptive eye glasses). Amplifying the battle of my conflicting thoughts, I let myself to surround with the same mix of virtues and vices, like everyone else, insecure from future, dependent with fundamentally different ideologies, and perhaps motivated by unattainable expectations.

My Solitude

I use to read fairy tales when I was a kid. To this date, when I close my eyes my memory still brush on, with the enchantments of huge castles, talking animals, beautiful gowns and suddenly fetched happiness out of the blue. I remember vaguely my innocent childhood's entail of entertainments. Occasionally, I still go and watch animated movies to retrieve back my winnowed retentions. Over time I have accepted that life is not a fairy tale. It is not even a blip of science. Please don't misconstrue my remark for my ambivalency. We may destined for something which may already been made in heaven, yet it requires to cultivate in earth. Let's recall the practical sphere we all exist with. Importantly, our vision, thoughts, and ideas need to articulate through speech. Even a genius brain restrained in silence and ultimately bears less fruit, if the other had to comprehend what it thinks. At certain point, it recedes and perhaps carries no weight if it's not expressed on time.

Ironically, I am surprise to see responses people have made when I have apportioned my perspective over speaking for ourselves. Often times, I was even misunderstood as an invalided, by the people whenever I have a quest of self advocacy. Some professionals do prattle about the ethics and other simply counterpart incongruity. I retort myself, am I only allowed to present my self picture distinctly if I have some physical or mental deformity? Sharp discrepancy towards people's perceptions has outspread. Isn't self advocating is also contributing to self credibility and delivering self consciousness? How bad is it to sell my knowledge to make others aware of the situation? I can be only allowed to utter for myself if I have dyslexia… Wow! It sounds ridiculous. I am coerced to be quiet. And even if I am dyslexic, why in the world do I want to live in such a discriminatory environment stretching the truth everyday that I am stigmatized with disabled?

I am very aware of the fact that we resist to new changes. It is scary as hell to venture into new territory. Scrabbling our own pace, coping with the lifestyle yet protecting our own heritage is quite a bit of adjustment that we contend. We like to cling on to familiar ground and relish ourselves from selfsame company. The magnitude of the fear is no different than mine. I cannot commend myself perching my breakthrough with my self clutch.

Why do we live with such repressions? My mind drifts. How far can we make this trip like this?It rambles to find my queries.

I assume, may be why not. I can tranquillize my burden off on some generous soul because I can ask for help without even considering dealing on my own. Being a socialite I can demand for help whenever and however I wanted. Why shouldn't I tally myself with others after all I should be doing no different than the crowd I hang out?

In my solitude, I dare to speak out.... through words and work in spite of so many odds; I dare to have an open mind for myself and for others. My outcomes may be less appealing and intolerated to many, yet I insist to seek constantly and dedicate myself to the different side of life, something little beyond than cooking, eating, chatting, sleeping and partying.

Sideline Psychology...Life Lessons

Good luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
By Darrell Royal, Former University of Texas Football Coach.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but simply moving on with dignity despite that fear.
By Pat Riley, Miami Heat Coach.

The key is not the will to win….everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win.
By Bobby Knight, Texas Tech Men’s Basketball Coach.

Talent is God given, be humble. Fame is man given, be grateful. Conceit is self given, be careful.
By John Wooden, Former UCLA Men’s Basketball Coach.

It is not whether you got knocked down. It’s whether get you back up.
By Vince Lombardi, Former Green Bay Packers Coach

You can learn a line from a win and a book from a defeat.
By Paul Brown, Former Cincinnati Bengals Coach.

If what you did yesterday seems big, you have not done anything today.
By Lou Holtz, Former University of South Carolina Football Coach.

Walking through the Past....

Life is too short. Matter of fact, it becomes shorter, painful and difficult to absorb when one die for no good reason. Roughly around 10,000 children lost a parent and over 1,609 people lost a spouse on that day, September11, 2001. Hundreds more have died to protect the rest of others. How could we forget that cold reality which not only have made bewildered and speechless, but also had ripped many of our lives. Gaming with the system and then transforming sky creepers steel buildings to rubbles of dust was not a blunt action. Was it? Convolutedly, I tried to whisper my vague curiosity. “Are all planes meant to be crashed into the building just to win this small, senseless battle?” Who is accountable for the missed cradles that these children deserved or pride citizens who became victims of this ugly triumph for no reason? Long before I realized, my probing queries must have been exuded from those horrific piles of death. Ironically, I sense this threat has certainly dragged people and has harassed the nation to a farcical extent.
Many years have passed, I still get agitated every now and then when I see airport terminals becomes an absurd movie theater or some kind lined up by passengers, when bag packs of elderly are harshly removed and inspected with suspicion, when an stranger who works in a security clearance, comes and asks me to take off my belt in front of big crowd because it has a metal buckle to it. And I am required to witness and obey with great deal of fete and patience without any humiliation, pretending as if I was a dead spectator and it’s all right to get through this torture constantly every time.
Many citizens have reshaped their lives irrevocably in many ways; some have quitted their jobs and have moved to another States, while others have unable to attune their memories with peace and securities. Violence and rage against strangers is way beyond to comprehend. Let me not go there otherwise I may sound like we have already stepped closer altogether into new war. The fact, yet remain to squabble is that around 4,000 people die by accidental drowning every year. We already have lost over 1,100 Americans during the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. And those who managed to return home from war are clinically depressed. Should we veil these facts too or heal all of these???
Wait a minute! We are trying so hard to heal our problems by perpetuating 25millon dollars reward to capture terrorist and additionally we are also imposing our will, “the war on terrorism.” May be we can’t heal because we are so full of ourselves. We have bigger cars, more choices at the supermarket, more shrink-wrapped gadgets to prolong our lives. Why do we care if others starve or not? Our society is not over-indulged and our attitude is the “the most defensive way is to offense others.” I can’t tell you now how privileged I feel to get an education from the world most powerful nation paying three times the tuition rate. My strength has depleted to see the wave of evocation of so felt superficial patriotism. Or perhaps patriotism did replace humanism!
I do hold every ounce of sympathy for all those who were forced to be crusaded on that catastrophic event and also for the ones whose memories are repleted forever with fears, anxieties and insecurities. I share the same ground and sob each time with them. My dark skin and black hair are prejudices to this tragedy as well. And I suffer and vent with the same intensity. I do understand this dilemma is disheartening; yet, I go to school, eat my food, do my laundry and smile when I can.

Unwinding Myself.....

I still remember that weekend afternoon when I got spellbound with engraved memory. An invitation was offered to me to volunteer for fishing. Sounded like someone was attempting to make my day! Well, here is the fun and exciting part of the story.

The guy who offered me was neither my friend nor my distant cousin. He aged almost thrice mine and on the top of that I was not accustomed to the fishing prior this to my life. Extricating myself from odds and reverencing to the Almighty, I started greeting him as my “American brother”. I almost had thought otherwise, I was going to sink deep in an unusual spot.

I cannot be so timid not to justify that I do not want to cultivate intrigued balance of my life knowing that I am around clinically depressed patient most of the time. Not embedding to my reluctantness; I was determined to reinforce every eminent enthrallment as within my grasp.

Unwinding myself…. what the heck!!!! If not anything, I would have at least showed respect to his benevolence summoned. I intended to give this a trial and accompany him along. With the little pleasant breeze, rustling of leaves, quiet ripples on the lake water, accompanied with flying birds, swimming ducks and turtles; didn’t take very long to convince myself.

Restituting my bond with the nature was an incredible getaway in today’s frenetic pace. It is not uncommon to witness people always rushing in one or the other way, harrying in itsy bitsy things, rude and discontented in their work. Talk about the immunity anyone had developed lately from a customer service representative. I will tell you, it is almost equivalent to scarifying one’s civility. Quickened pace has merely been a virtue but rather a vice which we seldom recognize.

I still have not figured out whether it was a happenstance or if my luck had favored me that day or I was really instructed well to catch fish, astoundingly I caught 3 big cat fishes. It was first my time I had ever stepped so close and for so long to the nature. Exaltedly I fell in love with its graciousness. So much of fun, it was a hobby I could afford to retain as a student. Well, I will keep that in mind later for the next episode…..

Driving today…..Outrageous!

Fuel efficiency these days’ concern drivers to lose their body weight. Sounds absurd! Obesity does impart voluminous fuel consumption. Well, some relief in some way, at least people would be less appalled with cardiovascular diseases of their sedentary lifestyles; otherwise cities are already traumatized with high sporadic gas prices. The average gasoline price per gallon will hit up to $4 by the end of this summer which is 23 times higher from the last year increment. I abandoned long back my idea of keeping my luxurious car. I couldn’t penalize myself in torment for thinning my wallet.
Present situation is pretty stringent. Heavy government’s restriction to oil manufacturers, environmentalist confronting need with the presumably accelerating global warming, shut down of businesses such as transportations, auto dealers, manufacturers, and citizens dithering for years to see the stabilized fuel prices I am not sure if our Capital Hill occupants have agnized this chaos.
Average American workers, who earn the national average salary, spend 3.3% of their paychecks on gas needed to commute back and forth “only” from work. Even if we assumed for a second that they use their vehicles only to go to work…can you imagine them walking to get their grocery done..??? I can’t. This is only an “average” not considering the workers who make the national “minimum” wage currently spend 11.3% of their salary on commuting gas. Outrageous!
Days are not far when the commuters will be discouraged to go work because of unaffordable gas prices depriving productivity, or our market initiate to stretch our cars to trains. God only knows!
Our former oilman, President Bush signed into law on Dec 19th that requires automakers to increase the average fuel economy of theirs cars and light trucks to 35 miles per gallon by the year 2020. Defining details, recent Europe standard is 40 miles per gallon and inclined up for 49 miles per gallon, Japan anticipates shooting 47 miles per gallon by 2015. Ours scenario is, 47 million average American Families struggle to make ends meet with rising prices for gas, who only want to be able to afford driving their cars. I am questioning myself in riddle is the U.S the part of the world or the world’s most developed nation?
Innovation should not be only where rubber meets the road. It is worth recognizing how Germans use solar and other alternatives for their imports; how Japanese commute with a short walk’s ranges anywhere and with assistance of clean, timely subways/trains. Why can’t we sprout technologies like them here to replace oil with some other substitutes? How comforting it would be when the burden falls less on oil dependent food consumption? I am sure this would have soothed us all to breathe little easily not only by cutting the fuel consumption but also by declining carbon dioxide emissions. The repercussion of high gas price has imposed some serious problems not only to our health but also for consumers and to the industry such as the housing market. The price of materials to build a home today are manifesting to force up the selling price and ultimately require alteration to size of the home because of the builder's cost associated with electricity, transportation for waste disposal are far-flung to count on public transit systems.
Throttling to ease my temporary pain at the gas station, I console myself with a comfort that at least I don’t have to wait for hours and hours in the line to get my vehicle’s tank filled. I am at least capable to pamper myself with four wheelers. I still feel obligated to make a dent by addressing this geopolitical turmoil which has affected so many of our lives. It never ceases to astonish me, why are we waiting this long to increase supply and decrease demand? Let’s hope our hard earned dollar that we all had lost at the pump would get compensated to research and necessary infrastructure that needed concerted acknowledgement.

Rescuing ourselves….. Together

Unspoken words and plenty to say! Life gift us a moment so marvelous, so overwhelming, every once in a while that we almost shine. I am sure many of us have experienced one like that. Admittedly, I envisioned the glimpse of the world beyond my walls. But before I came to this turn point, many times I was crumbled and then I rescued myself. Strangely enough, I learned as much from my failures as from my successes, if not more.
Sounds like I am living in almost updated version of my life. Wow! This reminds me of old words of wisdom: “Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.” At times in deep fiasco, I hold on to my dreams. I have concluded that it is not possible to witness seamless outcomes all the times, however one shouldn’t not shrugged off one’s own ventures. Life without it would be dawdled back.
The fact is we cannot make every body lives felicitous. I may encounter an exquisite repose for having said this, but I know myself how many times have I boggled my mind and have exhausted myself over to become a Good Samaritan. These days I have made my life less sophisticated, if people are pricks; they are usually suffering in one way or another anyway. Neither would I dare to concern myself with remedying the situation because none of us lack in basic aptitudes, as we have made this far from home by ourselves. This has been my serious attempts to simplify my life. I have been trying my best to rescue myself since then in search of an inspiring deck. Not that I am claustrophobic, but my desires are not wretched for longing to create healthier brink to live a quality life.
I also agree with the fact that the responsibility of each of us is not to pave the road for others, but to provide a map. However, a little questioning invariably brings out that how much of people’s problems can we fix it or should we be in charge of our problems and seek for solutions or perhaps both? Human by nature are egocentric. It is a bit humbling to substantiate our traits. We give lukewarm support when it comes to contribution. This is not my criticism; we are very cohesive when forming a group, we are intrepid when the word of mouth has to be well deservedly served, we like to live by owning other’s gratitude consistently. I sincerely want to rescue myself from these acquisitions.
Contemplating, I have confessed that the problem lies within us. We semblance over to some unfulfilled circumstances when we know our lives are mired with both grief and rejoice. We mastered over to some complicated and high-tech gadgets. How could we make vulnerable to ourselves and we live with vain underestimating the power of our own thoughts? We all have made this far to achieve more, leaving our family, hometown behind. We could walk further two more steps to encounter incredible appreciation from our lives. And if my words are not assuring, please ask with a patient who is paralyzed and lies down all day along on the bed with a hope for miracle to happen so that he could walk out of the bed and see the sunlight? How heartbreaking is that when someone with so much misery, still struggles everyday to live with a smile and feels fortunate to be alive? I analyzed myself how pathetic we are then, not only we are worthless in comforting with ease for others but also to our own self.

Let’s get rescued together before we hit the disaster of unrewarding apprehension of our lives. Lets march together to strive to become fittest of the fit inhabitants, lets leave our mark off for tomorrow, optimistically.