Your own best friend

Is it hard to become your own best friend?  Have you tried ever?

I tried once, and I stumbled. More or less, it was a catastrophe to be honest. I became critical to myself. My every attempt to a new venture pushed back to uncertainty. I second guessed on everything I did. At times, it drained me. The idea of becoming self-reliant came to bits. Mindfulness ran to the opposite direction, and as fast as it could. It was bizarre to think and expect this kind of outcome from someone who is optimistic. Well, what you know?! Apparently, there is also a downsize of being optimistic. Giving up is a hard pill to swallow, if you know what I am talking about. Imperfection become a showpiece as I become my own friend. Holy cow! I better unfriend myself before I buries myself deep inside.

One thing for sure, I have never become so self-aware of my doings. Good or bad. Surprisingly, this was a crucial turn to my improvements. People often say we can’t binge on diversion. I say, sometimes, diversions are necessary to keep our sanity in check. Success can’t be built on success. It has to be built on disappointments, frustrations and often failure. Leadership 101 tells me the ability to see yourself as others see you, is the key to flourish, as a leader. Unwarily, I was stepping out of my comfort zone. My failures never appeared to be this satisfied and I seek every challenge as a new opportunity to conquer. Overcoming it with marginal adjustment.  I am a big fan of TEDTalks, as some of you may are.  And I learnt about improving yourself through an incremental, marginal adjustment, from one of their talk shows. Gratifyingly, it worked. My new goals now become more realistic, attainable.

In our business school, we called it a Kaizen mindset, meaning, there is always a room for improvement, in any process, functions or with anything you do, may it be a business, healthcare or in real life. I was in the same continuous, self-improvement page. Unknowingly, my productivity was soaring up.

My aspirations were never meant to preempt “me” from making a connection with human friend. There is no replacement for a real companion with whom you can share, rely on in moments of crisis, and celebrate meaningful life events. However, embracing myself without neglecting my inner power was just too profound, after all nobody knows me better than myself. One can only contribute to a hundred percent, if you are whole-self. How can you pour from an empty jar??

To some magnitude, building the process of how to trust myself, my intuition, never looked so aligned not just to my head, heart and gut, but also to my own convictions. Nevertheless, nobody likes to walk down the unconventional path. Perhaps my culture may also have suppressed my personality. Time and again, I have nominated myself to a protected daughter, sister, wife and now a mother. My mindset is so used to being in an autopilot mode- soft-spoken, gentle, non-confrontational, compliant, accommodating and submissive. There was no chance of me being assertive. Under such circumstances, trusting myself, without having somebody constantly validating and guarding me, was inconceivable. As a true friend, I accepted my own strengths and weaknesses. I was sort of doing my own SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) analysis. Undisputedly, having me as my own friend succored me to improve in my personal development immensely.

Learning how to like, love and, trust myself was the hardest thing I have ever done. I live now in a big, different shift of life. I have outgrown my fear, insecurities, perpetual emptiness and pernicious perception of myself. Today, I speak my mind fearlessly. I do not judge anyone with a common metrics because I am different than you. I came to realize, when we are in dark period, we are not necessarily buried. We actually were planting. Planting, to create a lasting impact in this world because change should start with me and I should believe in me, first.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. — Albert Einstein

Beyond Happiness

It seems to be an absolutely imprecise thing to be talking about happiness with so much of the darn COVID's chaos going on. Isn’t it?? How we all have had planned this year to begin with, and here we are stuck in our four walls, learning how to embrace it. YIKES!!! Confinement can never equate to being lively. Amidst the COVID mayhem, so much to accept to this surrounded craziness, staying happy seems to be off the chapter to be alluding. We all know that as much as pain is inevitable, so is happiness. Nothing stays permanent. Wound heals. Memories fades. Life goes on. Does it?? It doesn’t. Suffering is an optional, pain is not.

I define my happy moment now as I am living gracefully with my good health and well-being. My definition of happiness may not be the same for another member in my family, for instance my son, or my neighbor. But again, how do you define happiness that is so intangible? And suppose even if you do, how do you know what you are defining, is correct? How can one quantify to someone else’s range of being optimistic, delightful, triumph, gratified, contended, honored, comforted, productive etc. I know my mind is dwelling.

Last week, I read one post on human behavior, shared on LinkedIn by one of the healthcare executives. It was about the people who are happy to go personality types. Those people as defined by the author are missionaries, driven by passion, and illustrated in depth, about how they influence the world around them. For the entire day, somehow, I got captured in the essence of the post. In general, I have noticed, people who are happy, are the givers type, and they influence the generations to come. Happy people inspire others to believe in the impossible, in themselves, and to become the very best version of themselves. These are again the rare breeds, hard to find and no money can ever buy.

It is also true, behaviors are malleable. Perhaps, my mind wandered, if the behavior can be modified to make one, how can I contribute to make my personal path to well-being of others, to befit as the author described.  I was willing to vest my time to become creative and find courage to change mine and others life in a positive way. Or perhaps, how do I change my environment in ways that increase the likelihood where I do not have to consciously reinforce myself to stay happy. Anyway, I couldn’t reassure without imagining myself in the author’s story. This may ridicule you but I learned this from my children, how to pretend play. As I delve deep, I found my answers.

I must admit that we face enormous pressure now than ever before in our lives. For the most parts, mainly for inessential things, for example, we have become more brand conscious now than ever, vacating in five-star international resort to consuming organics, to sending children to high ticketed private school, to picking the most lucrative careers. But we cannot disregard the fact that our lives materialize in this social context, and we do want to portray a pristine image of ourselves, among our families, neighbors in their conversations, yet we know inside that is nearly impossible to escape the judgmental route, no matter how hard we try. The price to pay to maintain a fine societal figure are pretty despairing. We live with a wrong impression that major life events bring our happiness. Unwittingly we are chasing, one thing after another, be it a marriage, children, higher education, a promotion, new house, new car, etc. We wandered around us, searching for it day-after-day, when the door to the sanctuary is inside us. Time and again, I have also seen people defined their state of happiness based on the thoughts of others, while many compare themselves with others. Ironically, as and when they do that, I have also seen them losing a little bit of themselves each time, becoming all the more vulnerable. In more complicated and subtle ways, we engage in this kind of behavior more than we would like to admit.  Acceptance is very hard to cultivate. Why should we try to fit ourselves into the standards defined by others? Knowing each of our lives were brought and raised with different approach and perhaps the different circumstances. A flower does not think of comparing itself to the flower next to it. It just blooms. Isn’t that true??

Backtracking happiness, it is found in doing of what we are passionate about. It is also about building a connection that are meaningful to us, be it a deep conversation, being open to ourselves and to the people who matters to us, or keeping your authenticity-being yourself or maintaining your own personal brand. I have also noticed, often people who have lost everything are more willing to share. Happiness equates people but not the material possessions. To become a happy person, we should seek to become a person of value.  In fact, until we become valuable, we can never become successful and happy. The best kind of happiness is making others happy. This was the message the author I mentioned earlier, was trying to convey. This was also sort of domino effect. Like when we walk in a grocery store, and smile and greet a stranger, we get a smile back with a kind “thank you” gesture. Understanding the deeper purpose of life is important to keep the same momentum of happiness, going. It may sound strange but I think we ought to think rationally and ask ourselves, what is the purpose of our living? It had to be more than just go to work, take care of our family, and pay the bills. It’s awful important that we find the purpose that resonates with us because to some level, they can influence our behavior and shape our path. It helps us to refocus our priorities, put memories and events into perspectives. If you see, memories never fade. It is what kept us alive. Happy.

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.” ~Wayne Dyer

While QuaranTEAMING

 The cost of freedom is incalculable. Never knew the importance of being able to determine the course of my daily schedule without getting stifled in a fear of getting sick. COVID-19 sweeps across the world in a blink of an eye, killing at least 54 people in Virginia, where I live. I do not mean to narrow my background by ignoring the wider context. I just want to stay optimistic with a less death toll and seek my opportunity to actively reinforce my safety precautions in my immediate surroundings.

The terror and burden of this infectious disease has posed a high health risk among all of us, especially among our young children. While quarantined at home, my little one reminds me constantly that we get a virus update from our Google Nest, a smart speaker. The sudden change in their environment has a profound impact on these little minds. Many of them are adapting ways to the evolve changes in their lifestyles. Getting accustomed to the online learning, playing, and keeping them occupied inside their houses, 7 days a week, is a new normal today. All I think at this time is this loss of little human experience is unfathomable. Life cannot simply fit into these cramped parameters, for long. Some days almost felt like the media is spreading the virus, the most virulent version of COVID-19, much faster than ever existed. It is one thing to help people stay informed about its potential threats and another thing to spread sensationalism and misinformation. Amidst the uncertainty and unprecedented level of real-time information at our fingertips, all I can tell you that the fear is spreading at the much faster rate the infection itself to our neighborhood.

Whatever is going on outside the four walls of our living space, times like this, we must remind ourselves that our collective human efforts cannot bet any competition in the world. The idea of collectively have a strong normative force. We may not realize it, but we all affect each other in many different ways. We overlap astonishingly with our interconnected living space in a complicated Venn diagram. This also imply how individual behavior is critical not only for the self but for society as a whole. The recent proof to that is how Italy is paying its price for living in an open society. As much strong as we are, also vulnerable. We are both powerful to escape and susceptible to succumb to sickness. From Black Death to plague to cholera to Spanish flu and SARS- infectious diseases have shaped people’s lives for centuries. COVID-19 is not going to be an exception for sure. We are witnessing the unthinkable power of the outbreak.

An enticing fact to the people losing their jobs, more people getting sicker, more deaths than very before, stock market crashing, current health system getting overloaded, countries surviving in bailouts, etcs etcs, there is also a bright side to delve. Let’s not forget every coin has two sides. With every weakness, comes the strengths and every threat comes with the opportunities. It is bringing a systemic change from healthcare to business to education to pretty much all facets our lives. This era could be the test for the technology for its speed and innovation. We have already started seeing this with work from home, online teaching mode, fewer fuel consumption, saving energy, less pollution, more family time than ever before. I must say Holy Cow to the later!!! Along the line of the previous opportunities, the current crisis provides the opportunity to reconsider our lives to make it more enriching to ourselves. We must also reorganize it in a way that cause less impact to our planet. There is indeed, irony in the fact that we need to learn all over again how to enjoy those things that children seem to have such a spontaneous relationship with: dirt, grass, dandelions, the birds, animals-cats and dogs. Respect and love the nature as nature will do the same for you.

My mind is muddled and today’s post is dedicated to all those front-line workers from healthcare to grocery stores to supply chains: truckers, mariners, warehouse workers, factory workers, scientific communities for their relentless quest and research and others who keep our lives safe and comfortable while putting their own lives at risk. Their actions have indeed changed the course of  history. They have set us an example of courage and humanity. Let us all stay safe, stay positive and stay kind so we could redefine our existence that have surfaced beneath our freedom. 

 “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

– Victor Frankl

~ From a mother’s diary- “Social responsibility matters”

How many of you reading this blog today actually agree with me, with my topic? Social responsibility does matter to an individual level. Let me be precise what I meant when I said this.  As a consumer of this society, all our decisions and emotions are driven by our personal beliefs. We live in this global society where everything is integrated and interconnected, from the cell of our body to the whole collective HUMAN self. Starting from the birth till our death, we hold onto our planet for our every little act. We inherited a mutual responsibility to take care of it, knowingly or unknowingly. Our actions therefore must not remain on the sidelines, we must facilitate our collective human survival.

 I was awfully intrigued by the best Citizenship Award contest form, my oldest (third grader) brought home from school, to fill us, last month. This elementary school was trying to instill outstanding characters, as good citizens should have, among these students by setting up such extracurricular. This act actually inspired me to write something about this post. I care for all those creatures who share this planet with me, and my commitment to spread the awareness of its conservation remains high-spirited. I must say I am impressed how the public-school system in America is implanting to these little minds, to be socially responsive.

Let me start with this. You have every power of how you choose to live your life and how you want to leave your footprints behind. Life little lesson can be learnt from anyone, at any time. I must confess my four years old whom I live with, constantly reminds me to throw recyclables kitchen’s trashes in recycle garbage bin, so the trash ultimately gets recycled at the end. Little efforts like that, water consumption, saving paper waste, reducing energy-switching off lights when you don’t need it, like those can bring a big difference around, in a long run. Close to our hearts, we know someone, somewhere is living today under the roof, or the electricity or the food or the nice clothes.  How cool it would be that you could shine their nights with the resources and supplies that you could conserve. Caring for our planet is our moral duty.  Afterall, government can’t be liable for all of our actions. We must share the fare.

I am firm believer that we all serve a purpose to live in our lives. Our destiny is unknown but what is known and certain is that we have every privilege to make the most of it. Our mind is the most beautiful thing, we are adaptable to any situation. Behaviors can be changed accordingly and make it to an environmentally-friendly in no time.  My daddy used to say, “there is a fine distinction between wisdom and education.” Let our wisdom guide the education and resources we live with today. We live with a fallacy that more fortune simply represents more meaningful. The fact, it isn’t. Let’s face it. Natural resources are getting depleted every day. Time has come that we respect the nature and its scare resources. This cause will assume greater prominence than it appears today. Our nature conserving actions needs a sense of urgency to create a safe, beautiful tomorrow. The small decisions we make every day, can create a positive reflection of our values, our beliefs and our ourselves. Let's assure our children that getting people to care about the environment is not a struggle. Being eco-friendly is not being unrealistic. It is our duty. Protecting our planet is the best legacy we can leave behind for our children.

“Personally, I do not believe the human mind has any limits but those we impose ourselves.” - Louis L’Amour

Learning to Heal

Have you ever stared up at the sky in silence, and get overwhelmed? I do that often. Let me be honest Virginia’s skies are prettiest of all. I can’t really tell whether the dusk looks prettier or the dawn or the night which filled with the sparkling stars. If you really consider, sky is one the most magnificent, yet mysterious element that exist to this universe. Or maybe I am just the odd one who finds the spiritual connection with it. 

When I look at the sky, I sense a magical essence and with an awe, I feel connected with my daddy, as if he was watching me over and guiding my path while I release and caste my worries, my problems. It is amazing how we quickly cope and develop our own way to deal with the grief. Emotions are overwhelming and I find it somewhat comforting to be able to pour it through this blog. I wonder from times to times, why does death had to be so disappearing, and at the end, where does our soul actually reach, after we die? In the sky, in this earth, in this universe or where it is, really?? What is our purpose? I had to admit that the science I love so dearly is actually so powerless to answer any of these questions. Rest in peace is the most ironic and understated statement I have ever found. When you lose someone you really love, things around you does starts to look fuzzy, uncertain and disorderly.

Universe has much to offer in many, unique, ways. We sometimes take things, for granted and other times, make lame excuses about our busy life schedules, to take care for it, to live it, today.  I am guilty of it too. Why do we always have to look forward to, tomorrow, and for that tomorrow will always be tomorrow. Why can’t we live it for today? We indeed learn so much from losing than from winning. That the biggest truth of life! Losing a parent changes, you forever. It helps you gain a much deeper insight of life. Today, I look up to the sky to adjust to my loss, I embrace the time I had spent with him.  I see this breathtakingly mesmerizing horizon to unravel, this massive, boundaryless space and some unseen, truly calming force makes my visibility as clear as possible.