Your own best friend

Is it hard to become your own best friend?  Have you tried ever?

I tried once, and I stumbled. More or less, it was a catastrophe to be honest. I became critical to myself. My every attempt to a new venture pushed back to uncertainty. I second guessed on everything I did. At times, it drained me. The idea of becoming self-reliant came to bits. Mindfulness ran to the opposite direction, and as fast as it could. It was bizarre to think and expect this kind of outcome from someone who is optimistic. Well, what you know?! Apparently, there is also a downsize of being optimistic. Giving up is a hard pill to swallow, if you know what I am talking about. Imperfection become a showpiece as I become my own friend. Holy cow! I better unfriend myself before I buries myself deep inside.

One thing for sure, I have never become so self-aware of my doings. Good or bad. Surprisingly, this was a crucial turn to my improvements. People often say we can’t binge on diversion. I say, sometimes, diversions are necessary to keep our sanity in check. Success can’t be built on success. It has to be built on disappointments, frustrations and often failure. Leadership 101 tells me the ability to see yourself as others see you, is the key to flourish, as a leader. Unwarily, I was stepping out of my comfort zone. My failures never appeared to be this satisfied and I seek every challenge as a new opportunity to conquer. Overcoming it with marginal adjustment.  I am a big fan of TEDTalks, as some of you may are.  And I learnt about improving yourself through an incremental, marginal adjustment, from one of their talk shows. Gratifyingly, it worked. My new goals now become more realistic, attainable.

In our business school, we called it a Kaizen mindset, meaning, there is always a room for improvement, in any process, functions or with anything you do, may it be a business, healthcare or in real life. I was in the same continuous, self-improvement page. Unknowingly, my productivity was soaring up.

My aspirations were never meant to preempt “me” from making a connection with human friend. There is no replacement for a real companion with whom you can share, rely on in moments of crisis, and celebrate meaningful life events. However, embracing myself without neglecting my inner power was just too profound, after all nobody knows me better than myself. One can only contribute to a hundred percent, if you are whole-self. How can you pour from an empty jar??

To some magnitude, building the process of how to trust myself, my intuition, never looked so aligned not just to my head, heart and gut, but also to my own convictions. Nevertheless, nobody likes to walk down the unconventional path. Perhaps my culture may also have suppressed my personality. Time and again, I have nominated myself to a protected daughter, sister, wife and now a mother. My mindset is so used to being in an autopilot mode- soft-spoken, gentle, non-confrontational, compliant, accommodating and submissive. There was no chance of me being assertive. Under such circumstances, trusting myself, without having somebody constantly validating and guarding me, was inconceivable. As a true friend, I accepted my own strengths and weaknesses. I was sort of doing my own SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) analysis. Undisputedly, having me as my own friend succored me to improve in my personal development immensely.

Learning how to like, love and, trust myself was the hardest thing I have ever done. I live now in a big, different shift of life. I have outgrown my fear, insecurities, perpetual emptiness and pernicious perception of myself. Today, I speak my mind fearlessly. I do not judge anyone with a common metrics because I am different than you. I came to realize, when we are in dark period, we are not necessarily buried. We actually were planting. Planting, to create a lasting impact in this world because change should start with me and I should believe in me, first.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. — Albert Einstein